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Amanda Tapping on Grief, Mom Guilt and Asking for Help

14/10/2024 · 2 min read

In the second part of Embracing Mental Health as a Fandom, a live event organised by The Companion, Amanda Tapping answered fans’ questions with great frankness. The video starts at 31:12, with her comfort music and books, before the questions.

Music, books and the forest

Tapping turns to acoustic, folk-influenced music when she needs comfort, and admits that one Taylor Swift song can make her cry within a few bars when she needs a good cry. Among her books: Rupi Kaur’s The Sun and Her Flowers, a historical trilogy about Joséphine Bonaparte she read with her late best friend in Paris, and Suzanne Simard’s Finding the Mother Tree, about the intelligence of forests, “my happy place”.

Guilt, friendship and exclusion

On mom guilt, she has no cure, only acceptance. With her daughter, now 18, she talks openly about moments she wishes she could redo: “There was no manual.” To a fan struggling to reach out, she explains that her friends pushed her to open up, and it deepened their friendships. A burden shared is a burden halved; if a call feels too hard, she suggests a text: “Can you talk? I’m a little low.” As for exclusion, she reminds herself that people who exclude others are often deeply insecure.

Feeling worthy

Her daily joys are simple: an exercise class in the morning and walks in the woods. She describes a period of emotional eating when she felt bad about herself, and the moment she realised she had to find herself “worthy of looking after myself”, also for her daughter’s sake.

After her mother’s death, she kept talking to her on the drive home, as she used to, and still sees signs of her presence. She ends with an idea she loves: when someone wants to share something, ask whether they want to be heard, helped or hugged.

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